.This year I successfully terminated my medicine studies, that is the first three years which I completed in 1 year. Now, during the holidays, I will need to work as much as possible and I cannot afford to go on vacation.
. Linda has tested me over the telephone to see whether I have paranormal observation powers. Or in other words, whether I can observe patterns around myself. Unfortunately, this is not the case yet. The ability to observe patterns is required to start the training for LTA therapist. Linda will test me again a year from now. Therefore, the training is postponed for a year. First, energies must be released by means of therapy, so that I will be able to observe patterns.
. Studying is going very well. There is still improvement regarding the speed of absorbing and retaining subject matter or memorizing and remembering subject matter. At the last examination, I knew about everything I had studied. 80% of the questions I was able to answer immediately. About the rest I had to think for a moment. Before, I had to think about a whole lot of questions, I did not have the information directly available any more.
. I used to weigh below 80 kg almost all the time. This is because I lost a lot of kilos through diarrhoea. Sometimes I lost up to 4 kilos in a few days time. The last couple of months, I no longer suffered from diarrhoea for several weeks, like I used to do. Regardless of all the pressure, regardless of all the stress. Before, I would go to the toilet up to 15-20 times a day, even outside the periods of heavy diarrhoea. It felt like my body lost all fluid. I only had loose, sometimes water-thin defaecation. Now I go to the toilet about 4-5 times a day. 2-3 times my defaecation is solid. 1-2 times thin to loose. But this is already a lot better than in the past. Now I weigh 82 kilos. The difference in weight is not that big yet. Nevertheless, people say that I look healthier and more powerful. I look broadened and more muscled, they tell me. I seem to have a fuller face.
. I no longer suffer from acid indigestion. Also the windiness that I used to suffer from all the time, has improved a lot. I still feel stomach ache right after dinner and therefore, I need to go the toilet immediately. If not, I suffer from severe stomach ache. Stomach ache in-between meals has disappeared. I used to have that pain all the time.
. My acne has improved a lot and my sensitiveness to the cold has been halved. I no longer have a stuffy nose because of a cold and my tension headaches have decreased, though still present. In general, I am a little less tired. The intense fatigue that I felt on a regular basis, has strongly improved. In terms of general health, I feel much better and if I have to do things that I do not like that much, it no longer affects my energy.
. Unfortunately, the problem of coming too soon, has not improved. There has been another improvement, though. An orgasm is now much more pleasant than before. I enjoy it in a much more intense way now. Until now, for me an orgasm was discharging tension and now it is different. I now understand what other people mean when they talk about the feeling of happiness that arises during an orgasm.
. It hardly occurs anymore that people call me ‘bald’ or ‘tall Jan’. With respect to women, I no longer have the feeling that I am unattractive or abnormal or that I am abnormal or not ‘loveable’. More and more I get the feeling that I am attractive. I get compliments on the way I look, which I have never got before. In the hospital mess room I notice that women keep an eye on me. Women react to me in a different way. They let me feel that I look more masculine. I get another kind of attention from women than before. Women look at me more easily and try to get eye contact with me more often than before.
. I no longer feel ashamed of being alone (without a partner). In the same way, I no longer feel ashamed of my sexual feelings.
. The desire for a woman is still there. But it is clearly less prominent and also the desire is less painful.
. I find it easier to accept my baldness again. But of course I keep longing for my hair to grow back. In this respect, Linda says: maybe.
. I feel more lucid in the head, because now I am no longer preoccupied with all kinds of thoughts and frustrations that were there all the time.
. I feel stupid less often. But still I do in situations where I do not know something and I actually should have known it because of my medicine studies. But it feels less painful. It also bothers me less. Now I feel more that I have the right to forget something as well. I am less critical of myself. I am less afraid that people will criticize me when I do not know something. I find myself less stupid when there is something that I do not understand. I stay calm and I do not get into panic that easily when there is something that I do not understand. And I no longer feel that frustration as well. And I feel confident that I will understand it in the end.
. I feel a little less tired when I wake up. Also I am in a better mood when I get up and I am less reluctant to start a new day. I had to drag myself out of bed before. Now, I can get out of bed more easily and without a hitch.
. I feel much more secure in a group of people. I feel at ease with strangers. I have hardly any fears anymore in my contacts with other people. That is why I no longer avoid a lot of situations.
. My contacts with people have strongly improved. However, there are still some situations where I do not know how to react, where I find it difficult to take the right attitude. Sometimes I am still afraid of how people may react or of what people may think of me. I do not always know how to say something or what is the best thing to say. In that case, I do not react or adopt an awaiting attitude. I just wait and do not say a thing.
. I am less afraid to make mistakes or to fail. The thought that it might go wrong, does not unbalance me anymore and does not give me any stomachache anymore. Before, I would be so nervous that everything went wrong or that I did not dare to do anything anymore. This does not happen anymore. I no longer feel so insecure in my job as a nurse. At work, there are no more situations where I am afraid to do something wrong. I no longer feel insecure in situations where I need to perform. I think far less frequently that I am not good at something and that I cannot become a good doctor. Nevertheless, the fear of not being a good doctor, is still present. As my fear of failure has strongly diminished in all kinds of situations, I no longer avoid all kinds of situations.
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