The test treatment (20 hours) was spread over two weeks’ time, two hours of therapy a day.
Tamara:
. The first two days, all I could do was cry, cry, cry. I usually cry briefly once in a while, but then I brace myself and I go on once again, but this was an unstoppable grief. The third day a woman who knows me said to me: ‘How well you look!’. I thought that my eyes were brighter. I have dreamed much more in the course of the treatment, much more than usually.
. I wake up more fresh than usually, my face is more relaxed. I yet notice quite a difference in my energy level. I get up and I no longer feel like: ‘How am I going to cope today?’
. I have always found it hard to look into my own eyes and now I can look at myself a little easier. I can better look at my little daughter and I have a better contact with her. I’m very pleased about that.
. My parents think my eyes are more lively, and I think this myself as well. I feel a little lighter than usually.
. I can stand up for myself a little better, I have dared to tell someone who always burdens me with his problems that it can no longer go on like this.
. I have had my eyes lasered so that I no longer need glasses or lenses. The night before, I slept well, in spite of the nerves. That is different from usual. I had to wait for two hours in the waiting room and I didn’t feel like I wanted to run away. In spite of the tension. This is very special for me.
. We have had visitors and I have openly told them how I’m doing, without acting how good I feel, like I usually do. We had a more ‘real’ conversation, different from the ones I have had with people lately. I have slept, even after the visit, in spite of the many conversations, I didn’t lie awake for hours, but I fell asleep nicely. This is a miracle for me, things weren’t spinning around in my head like they usually do and I didn’t need to take Oxazepam before sleeping.
. I notice very well that my negative thoughts have diminished somewhat. There are always very negative dialogues in my head, it’s so busy and negative inside. I sleep much better because the bustle is somewhat less, I no longer play as many songs and conversations in my head. I’m a little calmer. I’m soooo glad I can just sleep, delightful!
. I had to go outside and one hour before the building was already building up well, I got angry and anxious inside, the heavy blanket of dead dead tired fell over me once more, but when I was at the appointment, things went quite well, though, I dared to look at this woman now and then and my escape behaviour was a little less than usual.
. I already feel quite a lot better due to these changes. This affects me deeply, because it feels like: ‘I’m finally on the right way’.
