The final treatment was continued from mid August 2010
. I have done a lot for others the last few months and I feel I’m less egoistic than before. I could only give love when I had smoked a joint, now I feel there are moments I’m kind, caring and concerned, also when I haven’t smoked a joint. I can sometimes actually feel love now, I even think there’s a lot of love inside me now.
. Things still revolve around me a lot, but I’m more considerate of my girlfriend, her wishes and expectations. There’s a healthy balance for the moment. I do my things, but I make sure she’s also satisfied and when she wants something, then I agree, in spite of the fact that it’s not to my advantage.
. I think that if I would lose one of my relatives now, I would be very sad about it, whereas I wouldn’t have cared before. I feel more concerned when my relatives have problems. I care more about my family and my girlfriend, I don’t know if this is ‘love’. I notice I’m more fond of my daughter and my family and I care more about them, particularly the bond with my father has become better. I also have a better bond with my girlfriend’s children.
. I can work up more patience for my daughter. I can longer fix my attention to her, instead of immediately relapsing into my own thoughts again, but this may still improve. The bond with my daughter has become better, I can better deal with her. I even notice I find it enjoyable to really do something together with my daughter.
. I’m better at listening to others and I have more understanding for others, now I see that everyone has his share of problems in life and everyone sometimes wants to tell their story, just like me. Especially when someone captures my attention, I can work up more interest for his story and I think of what I want to say myself less.
. I’m more concerned about how others feel, I try to see the different points of view and to understand why people make certain choices.
. I still enjoy getting attention when I sing, but this isn’t the most important thing anymore, the most important thing is for me to enjoy myself.
. I less need to talk a lot the whole time. I also talk less about what I want in life. I less and less need a sounding board to discuss the daily issues with. I talk about my daughter or my income less and less.
. I need to smoke a joint less and less. I’m no longer dependent of a joint to feel good. I can also be cheerful and happy without a joint now, I still smoke now and then, but more like someone who drinks a glass of wine once in a while. Emptying my thoughts for a while still feels good. I have more control over when I smoke or when I don’t and I only smoke at moments when I feel I have worked enough for that day and when I feel satisfied.
. I have less ups and downs, I’m more stable. It’s a lot better like this, I worry less and I’m more relaxed. When I used to have a real off-day before, I would tend to feel desperate. When I still have an off-day now, I feel rather passive, but not desperate anymore. I still sometimes go through a bad patch, I tend to feel down particularly on Monday mornings.
. I’m more much confident now, I feel good about myself and I’m less critical of myself. I know who I am and what I can do and I’m satisfied about that.
. I’m more open towards people, I can talk more easily, I no longer start to consider what I’m about to say. I used to be more insecure and I often used to feel inferior to someone else. Now I feel equal to others, which has a positive effect, people take me more seriously and they no longer consider me inferior either.
. I’m no longer concerned with what someone else thinks of me, how the other person will react to what I say or do, or that I have to do or say something he or she would approve of. Others have to accept me as I am. I no longer feel I have to tell something that’s interesting for the other in conversations. I can just be myself and I don’t adapt my behaviour to someone else anymore. I don’t adjust my opinion when someone else doesn’t share my opinion, I stick to my point of view.
. I dare to stand up for myself more. The others don’t have to like me anymore. I no longer need to justify myself. I know my intentions are good and when someone else doesn’t see this, that’s his or her problem.
. I’m no longer insecure when I’m with my father. I’m no longer concerned whether my father would approve of what I do or say. I don’t need to prove myself towards my father anymore, I don’t need to prove I’m successful.
. I no longer need to convince my audience I’m good, I no longer need confirmation that I’m good. I sing more for my own pleasure now. I can also continue to perform well when I don’t receive recognition. I only had to see people look away or not listen before or I already felt I was doing something wrong and it made me insecure. This affects me less now. I’m still disappointed in myself when I feel I didn’t sing well.
. I’m much more open towards my public when I’m singing. I’m very relaxed, very calm, much more loose than before, I can move much better. The singing itself is better too, I mean that I sing higher than before and I’m developing my own sound little by little, I often used to imitate voices before. I also put more feeling into the songs. My public is more enthusiastic at the end.
. I no longer feel I’m a good singer. I think I’m a good singer and I know I can become really good, although I still lack motivation to develop a singing career.
. I don’t need to have success anymore, this obsession has decreased. I would like to be successful, but it’s not a necessity anymore. It’s rather something that makes my life more meaningful.
. I remain calm instead of getting hyperactive when I don’t have much work, I let things take their course and then things automatically turn out all right. I’m better at putting things in perspective and telling myself everything will be all right. I’m no longer less pleasant company for the people around me for days on end. I don’t feel bad anymore when there’s an unexpected bill or when I haven’t done much business. When I haven’t done much business, I can better accept this, I know it has happened other months as well and it automatically turned out all right. I used to panic before and I did all kinds of actions that turned out negative afterwards. My income still concerns me 20% of the time instead of 90%, I work during the time I have left because of that in order to spend my day well. I’m no longer afraid I won’t be able to pay for things.
. I can accept there is no single job in which I can have 100% control. I have decided to continue what I’m doing.
. I can better keep at it, also when something takes a long time. It’s still difficulty sometimes, when there are setbacks, but I generally manage to keep at it better than before. When I have good ideas now, I no longer begin with it head over heels after which I switch to yet another idea. I write down and I save ideas I have and I focus on that which I’m engaged in at that moment. My enthusiasm for something I started may happen to disappear once in a while, but I still continue anyway then. I no longer have so much ideas to make me crazy, that’s a lot less. I’m less impulsive.
. I’m more satisfied about the money I earn. I’m still not very disciplined, I still put things off, I’m still too lazy. Although I do accept more work offers I don’t like very much, because of the money.
. I have a good feeling about my achievements increasingly more often now and I feel less my work isn’t good and that others do it much better. When I see something, for example a design, now I think: I would have done it much better. I have more energy and I’m more creative.
. I can better start with a job, I more try to avoid the employer complaining. I sometimes need more willpower to start with an assignment, but still not all the time, certainly not when there is a lot of work.
. When things aren’t much work, I now make the effort to solve them. For example: when I have frequently have to sing at a fixed location, I used to go and set up the music installation again and again, this means putting it together and connecting it, which took half an hour work. Now I made the installation permanent, this was an afternoon’s work, but now I save half an hour work every time. I used to be too lazy to do this job once and for all.
. I’m no longer thinking continuously, I no longer continuously have thoughts in my mind as a result of which I’m less tired. I now have peace in myself. I no longer need a drink or a joint to feel inner peace. I can simply sit still without having to do something every two minutes. I also sleep well now and my thoughts don’t keep me awake anymore.
. I’m less hurried and agitated. I take more time to relax now.
. A tic, some kind of shakes through my whole body has diminished somewhat. I no longer bite my nails.
. I can better accept I’m getting older, just like anybody else, the fact that I’m losing my hair and I have wrinkles bothers me increasingly less. I’m less occupied with my clothes and my hair when I leave the house. I’m much more satisfied with the way I look and my appearance occupies me less. I’m also less bothered by imperfections in my girlfriend’s appearance.
. Status is not important anymore. I would like to show off with things, with my house. This has become less important, what matters is me feeling good with my possessions and being able to enjoy them myself. I also needed to show the things I make to my girlfriend. When she reacted enthusiastically, I felt good. Now I can also be pleased with my work without her confirmation or that of others.
. I can better cope when something is against me. When something doesn’t work out now, I try it again and again, but when I see it’s no use, then I accept it and I stop trying. I no longer let something like this ruin my mood.
. I’m no longer irritated by or ashamed for my girlfriend when she’s acting too loose when we go out. I can better deal with it now, she is as she is, and I appreciate this more and more. I no longer let this spoil my mood for the rest of the evening.
. I was unable to be angry with strangers, now I can. When there’s something I don’t like, then I tell it too. I sometimes used to be angry with my girlfriend as a result of which my girlfriend and my didn’t talk for half a day. This hasn’t happened anymore.
. I no longer have any feelings of regret and guilt when I think about my daughter. Things should have gone differently (divorce, leaving to Spain), but I’m in peace with the current situation now. I’m no longer sad or bitter about it. I’m also less and less sad about my past marriage, but that’s not completely over yet. Still once a month.
. I’m better able to let go of a number of occurences from the past related to my marriage and my divorce. The past concerns me less, it is as it is and I know my daughter is fine. My divorce no longer occupies me, it doesn’t make me sad anymore. I no longer worry about my daughter.
. I can enjoy things better and better, I also succeed in doing nothing, I no longer think this is a waste of time. I no longer have to be alert all the time and work on the future. I do what I want to do and I do it as good as possible, the res will take care of itself.
. I can deal differently with remarks from my girlfriend about me. I don’t see this as an insult anymore. I now see that she means it differently. When my girlfriend has good arguments, I no longer want to be proved right , I can admit myself to be in the wrong. I can better accept people as they are with respect to their personal (religious) convictions. Everyone is free, my opinion is not important.
. I’ve become increasingly better at refusing and I’m really proud of that. I’ve become more careful with giving away things for no reason. I wouldn’t do more for strangers than for people close to me anymore, I do enough for people close to me now. I assert myself more, I don’t let myself be forced into doing something, the choices I make are (usually) well –considered. I have become more tolerant in the main, but I can also set boundaries more clearly.
. I no longe exaggerate in what I say in order to impress someone. I no longer act as a victim in certain situations. I don’t have feelings of self-pity or helplessness anymore (I had this every day).
. I’m no longer haughty when I sing.
. I gossip less and less or not anymore about others, I do share my opinion, but I don’t put anyone in a poor light.
. I can forgive my parents for not having given me enough attention. I see that it’s not their fault now, but they hadn’t learnt it any other way. This thought gives me peace.
