. I was more dead than alive, I was a zombie, now I’m starting to live again. Little by little I come to life again. I couldn’t do anything anymore, and I practically didn’t do anything. Daily life doesn’t exhaust me anymore. It feels as if the many years’ standstill has finally started to move.
. I was very afraid of going outside the house. I was suffering from severe agoraphobia. This has changed. Now I go outside every day. SO GREAT!!! I have been to cities and places with lots of shops much more frequently recently. That’s a huge improvement. The total isolation, curtains closed, telephone out has no longer occurred. I’m more relaxed when I’m outside the house. The anxiety has diminished, but hasn’t completely disappeared in a city. A lot of visual and auditory stimuli and stimuli of people can still cause some agitation, but the urge to avoid it has gone. I’m so much more involved in life.
. My driving experiences are positive. Now I can drive my car without fear. I drive across bridges, or through tunnels without fear. My car feels a lot safer than before the treatment. I have got into a traffic-jam a couple of times, and I remained calm then. Being in front of the traffic lights is also going better. Standing still, being jammed doesn’t make me so nervous anymore. I absolutely don’t constantly feel I’ll have to stop my car on the hard shoulder to prevent me from fainting.
. Doing the shopping on my own, without my husband is going better. I go to small shops on my own, and I do it regularly now. ON MY OWN!!!! That’s fantastic! I now also do my best to go to a small supermarket alone, that’s again a small step further than the small shops. I’ve done this a couple of times recently, pretty bold of me, isn’t it?! And I also took a cart full of purchases and I went to the cash desk on my own.
. I surely haven’t been in the supermarket on my own for FIVE years. I didn’t dare to do it. Now, being in a shop on my own for the first time after five years again, makes me feel proud. And then I return with the right purchases as well. I have nicely joined the queue to pay the bill without running away from the queue at the cash desk. Fantastic. I still find the queue at the cash desk difficult. I also still find it difficult when people in the shop are looking at me. Putting dinner on table at night that I have bought myself gives me a wonderful feeling. It was a long, long, long time ago that I managed to do this. I’ll still stay away from the larger supermarkets for a while. I’m glad with every progress. So this small supermarket is a huge present for me.
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Physical symptoms that are better:
. My physical resistance is getting better. I particularly notice a big difference with regard to my stomach and my intestines. I haven’t suffered from diarrhoea or congestion anymore. I have normal bowel motions. The hard stomach I sometimes used to have, which involved severe abdominal pain, hasn’t returned. I have the feeling all kinds of things have been removed from my stomach. Wonderful, because it was full of tension. My stomach can actually support all food again.
. I haven’t suffered from bladder infections since the LTA therapy.
. I haven’t had painful inflammations anymore that had to be cut open, and the little bit of eczema I used to have on my elbows and knees has disappeared completely.
. My right jaw is not swollen anymore.
. My extremely dry eyes have also improved. They are still dry, but they get less dry. I suffer from blepharitis, these are persistent and recurring inflammations of the eyelids with red and dry eyes. My symptoms are a little better. I also suffered from chalazion, that’s a swelling of the sebaceous glands, I haven’t suffered from this anymore since the LTA therapy.
. I suffer less from premenstrual syndrome. My hormones have been a lot more steady in the course of the month. I still might have been a little more peevish or tired before the menstruation, but I’m certainly no longer extremely unstable for half of the month. Perhaps still one or two months I’m still less stable. My anxieties are also not getting worse at ovulation anymore.
. My feet have become much more smooth, I have fewer calouses under my feet.
. I have less fur on my tongue.
. My neck and shoulders are less tense.
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The results with regard to personality
. Sitting at the table with people feels less ‘imprisoned’. I have even enjoyed social gatherings a couple of times. And afterwards I have slept wonderful at night too. I’m less overstimulated after commotion. I still have to get used to it when I hear music and people talking through one another, although I sometimes find the noise rather hard. I’m able to sleep after commotion, something that used to be very different before. As soon as the commotion or the stimulus has gone, I can again unleash it.
. I haven’t left anyone standing at the door when the doorbell rang!! The doorbell is still making me somewhat agitated, but I open the door anyway. And that used to be different in the past. I’m still not yet up to going to birthday parties, but I no longer feel awful about not yet doing that. I’m already doing so much more, and I’m glad with every progress. I went to the health centre with my daughter and that went well too. I was also still a little nervous before, but once I was there, it was ok. Sitting in a waiting room is going better. I have been in a waiting room for a couple of times while I wasn’t afraid at all. But when someone comes and sit right in front of me, then I still don’t like that. Then I hide behind a booklet, they can’t see me then, but I don’t run away anymore.
. I’m becoming much more calm in contacts with people. The escape behaviour has diminished a great deal. I less look at the clock to see: ‘how long still’. I better manage to stay somewhere when I am in some place. The feeling of imprisonment has diminished. The stress to go outside the house is still there, though, but when I’m somewhere then, things go much better than expected. Meeting people used to be a punishment, and now it again starts to become enjoyable again. I follow the conversations more than I used to. Instead of wanting to get away everywhere, I can now also enjoy nice things. It’s very nice that not every contact is ruined by my anxiety.
. Making eye contact has improved, I dare more to look at people, but yet I still don’t find it easy. Although it strikes me that I will finally recognize the people living in my street. Apparently I always used to walk with my head down and my eyes aimed at the ground. In the past my husband used to say: “don’t you know him, he lives in our street”. I very much like the fact that I will recognize the people from my own street. Imagine how my life used to take place in a very small case. It also strikes me that I used to stay indoors on cloudy days before the LTA therapy. When I couldn’t put on my sunglasses, I didn’t go outside. Now I also go outside on cloudy days, without sunglasses. I’m very glad about that.
. I still blush now and then, but my own flushes no longer make me panic.
. I’m a lot less sad. A time when I stayed indoors for days on end and when I drowned in my own grief hasn’t occurred anymore. I went to pieces with grief. I carry a lot less grief now than before. I’m more positive, I think much more positive about the future. I get up a lot more cheerful and I look forward to the day. Every morning I’m so grateful I slept well. I go and tell my dreams to my husband over a cup of coffee, and what I’ve dreamt is usually very pleasant.
. I’ve become stronger. So much stronger. I sleep better, I’m less tired, I can better cope with things. I’m a lot less melancholy, gloomy and depressed. I’m not chronically tired and down anymore. The sun is shining so much more again. I’ve become fitter and more energetic. I enjoy things more. So much more bright spots have come into my life. There are increasingly more things in my life that I enjoy. Before the LTA therapy I only enjoyed sitting inside, that was safe. Apart from that, I didn’t enjoy anything. It’s a wonderful feeling of again being able to enjoy things. Sometimes I even feel small waves of happiness through me out of nothing, as if the first sun of the spring is starting to shine. But then inside myself.
. There’s a lot less commotion in my head. The time of continuous thinking or singing songs in my head is over. This peace and quiet in my head is so great. I can better stand the radio. When I listened to nice music in the past I really had to pay attention not to play the songs I had heard during the day in my head all night long. I haven’t had the feeling I wanted to turn off my head anymore.
. I don’t suffer from continuous thinking anymore and negative thoughts are bothering me a lot less. I less have the need to turn off my own head, because my head isn’t so full anymore. I less dream away in my own world of thoughts. Every so often I do, but then I notice it quite rapidly. And I’m immediately focused again. My own thoughts made me dizzy. Made me mad actually. There is so much more peace and quiet in my head. And the time of totally withdrawing into my own world and not leaving the house or not wanting to talk to anyone for days on end is over.
. I’m getting increasingly more confident about being able to perform my job as a beautician once again when the time is yet a little more ripe. Before the LTA therapy I never saw myself doing my job again. Now, I’m sometimes even dreaming about which products I want to work with and that kind of things. Only thinking about it makes me happy again. Before I never saw myself starting to work again. Doing again what I’m actually so good at seems wonderful to me.
. Doing new things costs me less energy than before. I was very good at avoiding new things. I don’t avoid doing things anymore and I don’t want to anymore either.
. Real panic attacks haven’t returned. I have no longer had any panic attacks involving palpitations and sweating etc. Queuing up at the cash desk is yet the most difficult thing I’ve had to face. This is still accompanied by fear, but there aren’t panic attacks anymore in which I think I’ll faint.
. I’m more calm. It used to be really extremely busy in my head. I can sit still much better. I’ve become a lot less social with regard to my social behaviour. But in my case this is something positive. I always thought of everything and everyone. First the other person, then myself. At the expense of my own energy. Now I try to change that a little and I succeed quite well. My telephone bill is already a lot lower, this again proves that I don’t have so much phone calls anymore. That makes a big difference with regard to agitation. I started to call when I had nothing else to do. Now I can enjoy the peace and quiet.
. I’m more active. I have more energy. As a result I can get myself more to do things, I do much more than I used to. I used to be in a prison of sad, negative thoughts. I think so much more positive than I used to. I wasn’t able to do anything solo, now I do already a lot more on my own, but it still has to get better. I still tend to be somewhat afraid when I’m alone somewhere, for example when I’m alone in a shop.
. I used to be constantly tired, and really very tired. I’m a lot less tired. I’ve got energy to leave the house every day. How different this used to be before the therapy; sitting inside the house for days on end doesn’t occur anymore. I no longer live with the question how I’m going to get through the day.
. I’ve become fond of sleeping. These days I fall asleep within five minutes. It always used to take me hours. I feel very happy when I wake up. Then I think: ‘Boy, did I sleep well. Let this day come on. I feel like it.’
. My self esteem is growing, but I still have low self-esteem. I still feel somewhat inferior, but I’m already a lot less disappointed in myself, though. I look more at the positive things in myself than at the bad things. My self-confidence is growing. Sometimes I’m really proud of myself when I have again done something I wouldn’t normally do. My sense of humor is also gradually coming back, I dare to make a funny remark once in a while.
. I’m a lot less insecure. I also make much fewer mistakes because I feel better. I no longer give coffee when someone wants tea. I’m behaving less clumsily because I already feel better in social contacts. I’m far less tense with people. It costs me less energy to meet someone because I feel less insecure. I still have to pay attention not to tense up my shoulders so as not to get sore muscles in my shoulders.
. I notice very well that I look more at the positive things in myself. With regard to both my inner self and my appearance. I already feel prettier in the main. I’m much more proud of how I am and what I do. Someone really staring at me makes me insecure, though. Those are still moments when I feel less pretty because I get insecure then.
. I care less about what others think of me. Although I’m still a little concerned about it. On the one hand I think I don’t care what they think of me, but on the other hand, I still like people to talk about me in a positive way. I’m still a little ashamed, though, about the fact that I don’t work and I sometimes wonder what others think of that and whether they gossip about it.
. I’m a lot less agitated. It doesn’t happen so often anymore I find out I was actually doing something else I had walked away from. I’m doing one thing at a time much more often. I have watched films much more often. That’s very good of me, because I wasn’t able to watch a film because of my agitation.
. I’m much less hurried. There was constantly a lot of adrenaline in my body. I used to bustle about. I used to vacuum the house like a maniac. Now I take my time with it. I walk much more slowly, I do everything more slowly than I used to. Although I sometimes still want to walk faster in a shopping street. Reading a book makes me feel relaxed. The stress I constantly used to feel has decreased a lot. I used to feel like a cat on hot bricks. Waves of stress seemed to flow through me. This doesn’t happen anymore. I do everything quietly, I drive my car much more quietly. I leave a lot earlier when I have an engagement. I haven’t had a fine for speeding anymore. It’s not that I used to drive much too fast, but more like 5 km too fast. I got tickets for speeding at 5 km over the speeding limit. This hasn’t happened anymore.
. I show to the outside world how I really feel much more. My acting talent is gone, but I don’t mind. It is as it is, I am as I am. I feel very good about not pretending to feel better than I do. I don’t want to prove myself with everyone anymore. When I just don’t feel good when I’m with someone, then I’d rather tell the truth, that it’s busy in my head for a second, instead of pretending everything is fine. I have recently told a lot of people what I have been contending with for the last few years. They didn’t know this at all, that it was so bad. It feels good to be more honest. I have given myself away with regard to my situation. I want to be understood. Which I am more now.
. I can better let go of things. When people from my close circle of acquaintances have problems or when they are sad, I can better let it go. I can much better differentiate between other people’s problems and my own problems. I worry less about everything I hear. I still feel sorry when people around me are sad, but I don’t suffer together with them anymore. I’m so glad I’ve made such a progress regarding letting go of problems of others. Sharing someone’s grief could really make me go under. There is a huge burden lifted from my shoulders because I’m better able to let go of things. I don’t linger in negativity anymore. I see so much more positive things in everything and everyone. All kinds of things don’t keep me awake anymore. I can better let go of my worries. I also no longer need to talk about my worries.
. I can already better deal with the fact that things go differently than I had planned. Although that point can still improve a little. Unexpected things still aren’t my strongest point. When there’s still something I find a little scary, I don’t get angry with myself anymore because of my own behaviour.
. I’ve become a lot less sensitive to stress. I can better deal with stimuli. But I am and I remain a sensitive person, though. I can better distinguish between what belongs to someone else and what belongs to me. I don’t panic anymore when someone else is agitated. Now I know it doesn’t belong to me.
. There are less ghost stories in my head before I start doing something. The negative thinking in advance has decreased a lot. I also try to think less about things of which I don’t know how they will go. I don’t think so much about the schoolyard anymore, but when I do, I still find it difficult, though. I brood a lot less about things that still have to happen. When something doesn’t go well now, I sooner get the feeling that it will be better the next time. Going to the hairdresser is still hard. Then I sit in front of a mirror and I can also see the hairdresser in that mirror. That’s still difficult. Going to the hairdresser still isn’t fun.
. I’m still irritable, but everything around me doesn’t annoy me anymore. I still react sensitively to sounds and bright lights, etc., but I don’t get totally out of balance afterwards which prevents me from sleeping. My head still tends to react quickly to stimuli, but I’m also better able to let go of it. As soon as the stimulus has gone, it’s over and the effect doesn’t linger. I can better switch from stimulus to rest. I don’t take something out on others anymore. I don’t slam the doors anymore.
. I’m not so furious anymore when I can’t find something. It happens less and less that I lose things because I give everything its place more, I clean out more. Although I still lose things like my keys once in a while.
. I have less and less mood swings. I still tend to have them, but a lot less than I used to. Now I’m fickle in a healthy way. If someone makes a joke, I’ll laugh and I’ll cry when I read a sad story. My feelings correspond to the situation that occurs. I’m not angry or sad about nothing anymore.
. I can already listen much better. I follow the conversations more, I’m less focused on myself. My concentration is much better. I notice the conversations are becoming a lot more enjoyable again. I don’t withdraw into my own world anymore, neither when I feel a little worse. There always seemed to be a wall around me, now I see and hear things as they are. I’m not alone with my thoughts anymore. I’m not so dreamy anymore. I can also better concentrate on a book or on a film.
. I’m still careless, but not enormously careless anymore. It has improved. When some documents have arrived by mail, I nicely put them in a file. I’ve become a lot more tidy with regard to tidying up. I’ve become a lot more tidy. I’m still not very tidy in the housekeeping.
. I only do two things at the same time instead of ten. I very consciously try to do one thing at a time. I sometimes see something I do in between, but I certainly don’t do ten things at the same time anymore. Fortunately, the time of empty burnt pans on the fire is over. I very often used to put frying butter in a frying pan and meanwhile I started to do something else, as a result of which my pan burnt again. I don’t want to do several things at the same time at all anymore. I prefer to do one thing well, than everything half. But sometimes I catch myself having a small chaotic moment.
. I’ve become less confused. I sometimes used to go upstairs and subsequently I didn’t know what I came to do when I was upstairs. That kind of moments occurred very frequently. That happens a lot less. Rarely anymore. Before it happened every day. I was particularly very confused due to the chronic sleep deficiency. I’m a lot less tired and a lot less confused.
. I take more the initiative. I no longer doubt about dinner, now I can decide what I’m going to prepare in the evening. When my husband is free, I suggest things to do more frequently again. Things might still bubble more, but it is already bubbling a lot more.
. I generally arrive in time increasingly more often. Not yet always. I’ve actually become a lot better in it when I compare it, because before I was NEVER in time. So embarrassing, but I was late wherever I went. Only every now and then now.
. I no longer postpone tidying up documents and paying bills. I do it immediately, then I can take it out of my head. There are less and less things piling up in my head. I do still have things to do from the past few years, like printing out pictures and putting them in books and more things like that, but I don’t put off the daily or weekly things anymore.
. I’ve become much better at indicating my own boundaries. It hasn’t happened anymore that I have long telephone conversations listening to other people’s problems while my head can no longer cope with the conversations. When something doesn’t suit me, I tell it in a friendly way: do you mind calling back tomorrow. I’ve also become better at making engagements with friends. I don’t lose myself in engagements anymore. I can better assess things. On Monday there’s this, on Wednesday that, etc., so I make that engagement on another day. I better manage to organize my diary in order not to cross my boundaries.
. It may be a little egoistic, but I put myself first more and more. I choose myself more and I better listen to myself. I don’t lose myself in the other person anymore. I notice very big differences with my brother because I made myself clear a couple of times. He doesn’t call me anymore with only negative things. He also tells me the nice things he experiences now. I’ve become stronger and more assertive and people also seem to react differently to this.
. I’ve become much better at dosing engagements. Not a lot one week and nothing at all the next, my diary is much more regular. I can stick to my diary a lot better. Suppose I write a cross with one day because there are already enough things to do that week, then I don’t write something across the cross later. I take myself much more seriously. I notice big differences now that there is a lot more structure in my life.
. The contacts I now have feel much better. For example, I no longer need the two weeks of rest I used to need before in order to pick myself up after certain engagements because I no longer cross my limits with regard to play-acting and meeting people. My life is a lot more regular.
. In general I can better express myself. I sometimes seemed to be on another planet due to this anxiety disorder. Now I’m focused in contacts with people. I can again express myself much better because I don’t flee myself so much anymore. The anxiety can perhaps still make me a little less concentrated in the shop at a busy cash desk and then I talk somewhat more in an automatic way.
. I have stopped taking all kinds of homeopathic products. I’ll always be a supporter of natural remedies, but not in order to use them with the intention of becoming healthy, strong and happy. I’ll look for a homeopathic solution, though, with ailments like the flu, but I will no longer put a great many jars with vitamins and stuff in my cupboard for daily use. So now I can get through the day without getting my energy from a jar. And I succeed!
. I go and drink a cup of coffee with my parents in a relaxed way much more often because I’ve got much more energy. I like that very much, and they enjoy it too. I’ve become more myself and I’ll less easily play-act in order to spare them. I try to worry less about them. We spare each other a little less, so when they have something to say, they’ll say it more quickly to me and vice versa now. This does actually feel better.
. I have less trouble forgetting and forgiving. I can more easily let things go, I try to put myself in someone else’s shoes and then I can imagine why the other is doing something much more easily. Things don’t stick with me so much anymore.
. My memory is improving. I can better listen to people when they tell something, as a result of which I also remember a lot more. I like it very much, because I don’t like it at all when people tell me something and the next time I come across as if I hear the story for the first time. Fortunately remembering things is going better.
. I better recognize things in a town. I can better recognize people, the way and the shops. Normally I seemed to be on a different planet in everything I did. Now I’m much more mentally present, I again see things around me. I enjoy walking around in a town and developing a feeling of recognition.
